Do You Really Want To Dance.....

This dance? ..... the next dance? ..... any dance?

If you do, it's really not that difficult. You don't need "mixers", and you don't need a magic wand. All you really need is the right attitude and a little careful thought. If you're an intermediate dancer or better you've already learned that the better you get, the easier it is to get dances. So this column is for the beginner or novice dancer.

If you're a man and want the next dance, just ask some lady. You don't have to be a great dancer. If you look presentable and are wearing a smile and don't have a reputation of yanking your partner around or throwing her into other dancers; i.e. hurting her, you probably will never get turned down. If you're a woman and are not willing to ask a man to dance, an attitude adjustment is definitely needed. I, too, come from a generation where a lady never asked a gentleman to dance. If you're stuck in that time track, all I can say is that certain things may have been OK in their time, but they're silly now, and so is feeling uncomfortable about asking a man to dance. Remember, there are usually more women than men at most dances and there are no "ladies choice" dances. Every dance is anybody's choice!

First, the right attitude.... You want to dance to have fun and, hopefully, for your partner to have fun, too. I'm not talking about during a lesson or a contest, but if you want to dance socially for any other reason but to have fun (or to make out, which could be construed as the same thing), go read someone else's column. I have nothing to say that could help you. Some of you have already realized that I believe dancing is more a flirtation than a sport. Of course, you always want to improve your dancing which does not mean to learn more patterns or syncopations, but do that during lessons or practice sessions, not social dances. The same is true if you want to work on your dancing or on the last step you learned but can't do yet. If you want to show off, shame on you. Show your partner off. So... you want to have fun and, equally important, to look like you're having fun. (And when you're sitting on the sidelines always look like you're ready to have fun!)

Next, careful thought... If you're a beginner or novice I hope you are constantly trying to learn and improve. Most dancers are willing to cut a little slack for those who are working to get better and the lessons give you a "pool" of possible partners who are close to your level. But it's time to evaluate your current level of dancing and that of others at the dance. You're going to ask someone to dance but you want to enjoy the dance and to have your partner enjoy it and, above all, not to get turned down. It's probably best to ask someone a little above your level but not out of sight or a little below your level but not so far below that you wouldn't enjoy the dance. You've thought it out. Now go get 'em. Look, you're dancing and it was relatively painless.

Don't spoil it by doing patterns or syncopations you can't control or have to think about or, worse yet, count in your head. For a man, look into the lead so you don't get the woman creamed. Other than that think only about your partner. DON'T watch the sidelines or other dancers to see who's looking at you. Look at your partner. Smile at your partner. If the man can lead or the woman follow only a few moves, make those few moves look as good and be as much fun as you possibly can.

Finally, as you become more and more a fun partner people will want to ask you to dance. Hint: If you notice someone walking toward you with whom you might want to dance, have a smile on your face and look at that person. Many sensitive people will avoid asking someone who is obviously avoiding eye contact. Another hint: If you're sitting there having an intense conversation with someone don't be too surprised if no one wants to try to "butt in" you ask you for a dance. Think about it.
        jt - ed